Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Sleeping Arrangements

The picture to the left is of four of the "Spice Girls" from our travel group. From left to right is Jenna, Brenna, Hope and Lilli. Notice we all have the obligatory blue and tan stroller.

I just read two articles that said children who are adopted probably won't sleep by themselves for some time. (Now I feel like a HORRIBLE parent. Poor Lilli is probably asleep having nightmares about the lady who left her in that big room all by herself.) The articles stated that co-sleeping is a form of bonding and attachment and that eventually, when the child feels secure, she won't need us in the room with her. Both articles said that most parents put a twin bed into the nursery and sleep in the same room with the child. One of the articles (from an experienced adoptive parent) said that they allowed the child to sleep in bed with them. This is what I have been doing. I have to rock Lilli a bit and she usually snuggles in and goes to sleep. I can lay down with her and she usually only stirs but then drifts back to deep sleep. When I get up from the bed she is fine unless she wakes up. If she wakes up and she is alone, she screams. I don't know what to do. Maybe I am being too hard on myself; I mean we've only had her for 16 days. I just don't want to screw her up!

Here is the pea pod at the East Lake in Wuhan chillin'. She likes to prop her feet up whenever and where ever possible, even her high chair. One of the other babies did this a lot as well.


Todd said...

Lorie, don't start anything that your not prepared to have happen for the next five years. When we got back from China, we were still giving our Alex a bottle and our pediatritian told us not to do that anymore, she told us it was easier to break the habit now than it would be later (This was a habit from the orphange), well two screaming nights later, we were all sleeping through the night.

I have a co-worker who is still trying to break their 5 year old son from sleeping with them, but they continue to give in to stop him from crying and throwing fits in the middle of the night. She wishes she would have broke him of the habit much earlier. We just really enjoy the fact that Alex sleeps in her own crib, in her own room. I guess I have come to the reasoning that when I put her in her crib I want her to know that it is time to sleep.

I am by no means telling you that you are wrong, I just hear about the problems of letting children sleep with you. I don't really know if if that is the right way, I just don't know if I want my child screaming in the middle of the night because I won't let her sleep in our bed.

hotmama28 said...

Okay... we have two separate experiences... since Bella took so many years to get, I rocked her to sleep every night and then put her in her crib, thus making her rely on us to be around to fall asleep, and we did go through a phase where she slept in our bed. Now at 3, she does sleep in her bed, though sometimes in the middle of the night she comes to our room, but she does go to bed in hers... though she is still a "needy" child when going to bed... Xavier, on the other hand, is a champ at sleeping... we didn't rock him totally to sleep, etc... and he goes to bed without a fuss about 95% of the time. I have mixed feelings... I enjoy my time with NO feet in my back while I sleep, but on occasion it is also nice to give Bella a treat (which we do tell her that it is a special night) and we let her go to bed in our room. Either way... I don't think you are screwing them up! :) I have talked to NUMEROUS parents who go through the same thing with a troublesome bedtime... and they all tell me it does get better. At this age and at this particular juncture, I think you are doing just fine. Lilli has got to be going through some anxiety still, so I believe you are doing the right thing bonding with her. If you read some of the books on sleeping arrangements, there are easy and comfortable ways to wean the child off of your bed, etc... fear not. It is important to bond with her... and if you are all three in the bed, she can bond with both of you! :) Just remember to make time for Todd & Lorie, too... :)

That is my take on the subject... long winded and probably too much information, but I am a tired rambler, so there it is. :)

Later gators!


EricTheMed said...

Robin has forgotten one thing...the psychological strength of the little ones in question. Most kids her age WILL give up eventually and go to sleep. However, we have a particularly stubborn daughter; "spicy", if you will. I tested the put her to sleep theory one night, and she proceeded to scream for 90 consecutive minutes. So, I think you do what your instincts tell you...you cannot go wrong with that. Worst case scenario, she'll tell her friends when she's 10 that she still sleeps with you, they'll make fun of her, she'll sleep in her own bed. Problem solved!